Posted: September 30, 2010 in Poetry
Tags: , ,

I am blessed with a penis for every occasion.

I have a tiny, pitiful, shriveled penis

for circumstances that require low self-esteem.

I have a small, stout, happy penis

that is either exhausted from great sex

or relaxing at a public urinal.

I have a sleek circumcised penis

that fits neatly into mainstream expectations.

I have a penis that has never scared anyone

as far as I know.

The rest of my body and my entire nervous system

is attached to a long, firm, slightly curved penis

that is strong and noble and benevolent.

I am controlled by a penis

that will settle for nothing less than world domination.

I have a penis that refers to itself in the third person

and insists it is a direct descendant of the sun.

I possess a penis for every meal.

Lazy breakfast penis.

Watchful lunch penis.

Hungry dinner penis.

Bite-size snack penis.

Prowling midnight penis.

I possess a penis for every phase of the moon

every astrological bus stop and cabalistic correspondence.

I possess a magic penis that takes me to other worlds.

I am blessed with a penis for every occasion.

My penis is a born-again nuclear maniac.

My penis is a self-absorbed jerk.

My penis is an undercover CIA agent.

My penis works for the illuminati.

My penis is mayor of a small town outside Detroit.

My penis is responsible for Obamacare.

My penis does not vote but if it did it would be Republican.

It does not believe in democracy, or socialism

or communism, or even surrealism.

My penis spits out the entire population of China

every time it laughs.

And it laughs about twice a week since 1973

but who’s counting.

My penis is not obsessed with sex.

It is obsessed with paradise.

My penis enters paradise with caution.

Every paradise is a revelation of

its own mysterious, shivering light

every paradise is the first paradise

my penis never takes paradise for granted

my penis is obsessed with paradise.

My penis has many names

and it is flattered with the attention.

My penis is also a dick, cock, pocket rocket

Lil’ red rooster, big Johnson, sir likes-to-lancelot

breeder unit, wang daddy, astral cannon

peppermint poker, buckaroo, one-eyed snake,

mister Rodgers, donut holder, tube steak

bone flute, clawless hamster, pookie bait

repopulator, Picasso’s lunchbox, grateful Jake

lickin’ stick, George Bush junior and senior

lightning rod, magic bone, prowlin pole

Washington’s monument and the Pope’s nose.

My penis is as holy as creation.

My penis is as profane as any middle finger

or the invasion of Baghdad

it is the secret identity of JFK’s killer

it is jazz and rock ‘n’ roll

it is gangsta rap, hip hop and hootchie cootchie

it is as primitive as the first desire

it wears a zoot suit and a black beret

it is eternal damnation

it is the ultimate resurrection

and it has a mind that is like

ten million hungry rockets

sleek, circumcised rockets

small, stout, happy rockets

tiny, pitiful, shriveled rockets.

I am blessed with a penis for every occasion.


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